Similarly, if your child asks, “Am I going to get sick today?” instead of saying, “No, you won’t,” respond with, “You might, so how might you handle that?” Let’s figure out how you’re going to get through it.” She said they won’t like it, but they’ll get used to it.įor instance, if your child asks if they’re getting a shot at the doctor’s office, instead of soothing them, say, “I don’t know. Using this phrase helps empower kids to learn to tolerate uncertainty and think about ways to deal with potential challenges.Īlso, starting with small situations when they’re young helps prepare kids to handle bigger trials. Rather than providing your kids with every answer, start using the phrase “I don’t know,” “followed by promoting problem-solving,” Lyons said. Below, Lyons shared her valuable suggestions for raising resilient kids. It’s to teach them to handle uncertainty and to problem-solve. However, she said that a parent’s job isn’t to be there all the time for their kids. So anxious parents try to protect their kids and shield them from worst-case scenarios. “The idea of putting your child through the same pain you went through is intolerable,” Lyons said. We as parents are trying to stay one step ahead of everything our kids are going to run into.” The problem? “Life doesn’t work that way.”Īnxious people have an especially hard time helping their kids tolerate uncertainty simply because they have difficulty tolerating it themselves. “We have become a culture of trying to make sure our kids are comfortable.

Lyons encourages parents to equip their kids with the skills to handle the unexpected, which contrasts our cultural approach. Rather, they know how to ask for help and can problem-solve their next steps. She said that this doesn’t mean that kids have to do everything on their own. Lyons says when resilient kids step into a situation they “have a sense they can figure out what they need to do and can handle what is thrown at them with a sense of confidence.” Lynn Lyons is a licensed social worker and psychotherapist in Concord, New Hampshire, who co-authored the book “ Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children” with psychologist and anxiety expert Dr.

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